Reality Bits: Real Housewives Edition

1. Celebrity Thievery

Kim Richards who has the dubious distinction of being too messy for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and is therefore an ex-Housewife, pled no contest to shoplifting from the Target in Van Nuys. She was sentenced to attend 52 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, 300 hours of community labor and can no longer shop (if that’s the word) at the Target in Van Nuys. Tribulations trail in Richards’ wake: in addition to being kicked off Housewives (for real, how much of a fuck up do you have to be to get fired by Bravo!?), she also walked out of a Dr. Phil interview, got wasted at daughter Brooke’s Mexico wedding, and at one point reportedly was living in her car.

But I come here not to cast stones at Richards (who clearly has issues) but to discuss a tendency I’ve noticed among celebrities to, how do you say, liberate shit from random places. I have been in the company of more than one celebrity who’ll just pick up something in a store/showroom we’re in and just walk on out with it. Most of the time they get away with it, although I was once extremely gratified when a particularly pernicious thief was stopped in her tracks and was forced to yammer her way out of it. And I still think I was more embarrassed than she was.

But the fascinating thing is that often the stuff being stolen isn’t that desirable (or certainly not worth going to the clink over). Richards, for instance, zeroed in on multiple make up cases, markers, stickers and something that looks intriguingly like a dildo (but isn’t because Target). I, in turn, have seen celebs steal equally random stuff from production including: a bag of garbage bags; a couple of coolers (the Production Manager who requested them back was fired); a set of multi-colored velour track suits and quantities of craft that would fill several storage units.

I don’t know why getting famous increases your predisposition to steal. Is it that you just get so much for free that you come to expect it? Cuz based on my experience thievery’s a celebrity pandemic.

2. The Ginger Prince

Nothing warms my soul as much as when I can combine my first love, gossip, with discussions of reality. Thus I am delighted to send you to this article from the Daily Mail that postulates that Camilla, (AKA Charles’ former sidepiece, AKA the current Duchess of Cornwall) is currently on the hunt for a bride for everyone’s favorite royal Hot Prince Harry (AKA the Ginger Prince).

But how, you might say, is this about Reality? (You might also say I just want an excuse to go looking for images like this, this and even this.) Well, one obstacle to Camilla’s matchmaking is that Harry, according to the DM, “has developed a penchant for the company of older, more worldly women on whose discretion he can rely.” Funny that they used the word discretion, because the (former) spare to the throne was not being quite as discreet when he had a quickie with Real Housewives of DC cast member Cat Ommanney, during production on that show.

Older ladies may be discreet, but production staff, not so much!

3. Contextless Yes

Finally, Vicky Gunvalson “confessed” on the Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion that her ex, Brooks Ayers abused her (among other things). Much is being made of the fact that when Andy Cohen asked her if she was afraid of Brooks she “timidly nodded her head ‘yes’.” Now quite possibly he is abusive and she is frightened of him, but I will tell you this: we can find a “yes” or nod from pretty much anywhere in a sequence of footage and place it where we want it (for instance after a question like, “Are you afraid of him?”).

So I wouldn’t be taking anything that appears on a reality show as gospel, especially when it comes to something as loaded as this. Not everyone out there is sue happy, and I am aware of at least one other instance on Bravo where someone told an extremely damaging and bald-faced lie about another character, and got away with it. Legal be lax.

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