Tila Tequila, It’s Not Working

Dear Tila:

Just stop.

Look, I get it. Being you must suck. I mean, what’s a bitch got to do to land a reality show, for fuck’s sake?

But, unfortunately no matter how many birthday wishes you tweet

Happy Birthday Hitler!

… or immigrants you threaten  

Hunting immigrants 3

… or pics you post of your baby as Der Fuhrer (that’s how it’s spelled, btws, something you might wanna know if you’re gonna call him your “boo”),

Baby Hitler

… or times you claim the earth is flat; or crowd-fund your rent; or rant at Sarah Silverman;  the fact is …


And as long as no one gives a shit, no one will watch you on TV. And no audience = no show.

Mind you, I can see why you’re confused. Your former Celebrity Apprentice co-star and presidential prick Donald Trump is doing great, and he’s messy as fuck. But you aren’t a bigoted straight white man with inherited wealth running for president; you’re a bigoted busted former MySpace celebrity who’s pretty much out of options.

So quit with the messiness. Being messy only gets you a show if you’re actually important in some way. In the meantime,  leave Sarah Silverman alone. She’s good people, and you can’t afford the karma.


Far From Reality TV


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